JULY 2008

Add your comments or send me stuff                  Message archive (newest message first)

Banner


What I think in the most superficial and tangential way.

POSTED JULY 31, 2008

DID YOU KNOW?

If you stretch a standard Slinky out flat it measures 87 feet long.

NURSING HOME

Power Point Presentation for NURSING HOME.
Submitted by TOM; thanks...

CONFUCIUS SAY

According to tradition, Confucius was born in 551 BC. Spring and Autumn Period, at the beginning of the Hundred Schools of Thought philosophical movement. "CONFUCIUS SAY"

COMPUTER TIP OF THE WEEK

Find Out Your Public IP
Sometimes when you are either doing networking tasks, remote connecting to an external computer, or trying to set up a game server, you need to know your public IP.
This series of 4 numbers provides your Internet address so others can communicate with you.
While there are dozens of ways to get this value, I have found the easiest to be going to this web site: This web site is a simple and effective way to quickly determine your public IP.

IP Address (Internet Protocol Address): This number is an exclusive number all information technology devices (printers, routers, modems, et al) use which identifies and allows them the ability to communicate with each other on a computer network. There is a standard of communication which is called an Internet Protocol standard (IP). In laymans terms it is the same as your home address. In order for you to receive snail mail at home the sending party must have your correct mailing address (IP address) in your town (network) or you do not receive bills, pizza coupons or your tax refund. The same is true for all equipment on the internet. Without this specific address, information cannot be received. IP addresses may either be assigned permanently for an Email server/Business server or a permanent home resident or temporarily, from a pool of available addresses (first come first serve) from your Internet Service Provider.

IT'S A FRICKIN ELEPHANT

My four-year old grandson is learning to read.
Yesterday, he pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said , 'Look, Grandpa! It's a frickin ' elephant!'
I took a deep breath , then asked...'W h at did you call it'
'It's a frickin ' Elep h a n t, Gra n dpa! It says so o n t h e picture!' a n d so it does...
' A f r i c a n Elep h a n t '

Hooked o n p h o n ics! Ai n 't it wo n derful?

WEDDING CAKE

Never let the groom order the "WEDDING CAKE"

POSTED JULY 30, 2008

DID YOU KNOW?

More babys are born on a Tuesday than any other day.

APHORISM

A Short, Pointed Sentence Expressing A Wise, Clever Observation; A General Truth Or Adage "APHORISM"

WILL I LIVE TO SEE 80

Here's something to think about.
I recently picked a new primary care doctor.
After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?
'I said, 'No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'
'No,' I said.
He looked at me and said,.... ' Then, why do you even give a shit?

THE INDIAN WITH ONE TESTICLE

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was 'Onestone'.
He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'
The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.'
He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away..
Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.
She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!
Why?
HEY...YOU CAN'T KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE...

GAS $4.25 A GALLON YES ANY DAY

I Paid $4.25 a Gallon for Gasoline Today and enjoyed it!
I feel it's my civic duty to help support 'local' business owners whenever possible...
I paid $4.25 per gallon for gas today at the corner gas station.
They have been feeling the pinch as a lot of patrons aren't driving around as much, so they went to full service to entice customers back.
Somehow the high prices didn't seem to matter as much. To ease the pain, I needed 10 gallons so I went in ten times and bought one gallon each time.
Gas @ $4.25 gallon is not all that bad, you think? Service station

POSTED JULY 29, 2008

DID YOU KNOW?

More babys are born on a Tuesday than any other day.

CAUSAL FRIDAYS

Guess who just ruined casual Fridays?

SEX IN THE SHOWER

In a recent survey, people from Detroit have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower!
In the survey, carried out for leading toiletries firm 'Brut', a huge 86% of Detroit residents said that they have enjoyed sex in the shower.
The other 14% said they hadn't been to prison .... yet

BOTTLE OF WINE

Mary was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Mary tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Mary. 'What in bag?' asked the old woman.
Mary looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.' The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said: 'Good trade...'

WAL-MART CAKE

It took me a second, Keep in mind this actually really did happen. This is for someone who was moving from an insurance claims office.
Okay so this is how I imagine this conversation went:
Walmart Employee: 'Hello 'dis be Walmarts, how can I help you?'
Customer: ' I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week.'
Walmart Employee: 'What you want on the cake?'
Customer: 'Best Wishes Suzanne' and underneath that 'We will miss you'.
STOP LAUGHING! You can't fix stupid Wal-Mart Cake

POSTED JULY 28, 2008

DID YOU KNOW?

The ball on top of a flagpole is called the truck.

GREEN SPOTS

A woman goes to her doctor's office, afraid of the strange development on the inside of her thighs...a green spot on the inside of each. They won't wash off, they won't scrape off and they seem to be getting worse. The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem, and tells her not to worry until the tests come back.
A few days later, the woman's phone rings. Much to her relief, it's the doctor. She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots.
The doctor says, "You're perfectly healthy--there's no problem. But I'm wondering, is your boyfriend a Harley guy?"
The woman stammers, "Why, yes, but how did you know?"
"Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."

TRUE REDNECK TUBE TOP

This was taken in front of the Gardendale, Alabama, Walmart while she was going to the Flea market. This is hysterical! Look at it closely.

NAIL GUN, MADE BY DEWALT

It can drive a 6-D nail thru a 2 X 4 at 200 yards.
This makes construction a real breeze…you can sit in your lawn chair and build a fence.
Just get the wife and kids to hold the fence boards in place while you sit back, relax with a cold beer, when they have the board in the right place just fire away. With the hundred round magazine, you can build a fence with a minimum of reloading. After a day of fence building with the new Dewalt Rapid fire nail gun, the wife will not ask you fix or build anything else. NAIL GUN, MADE BY DEWALT.

GETTING OLD IN FLORIDA

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch in Bonita Springs , doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?'
The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.'
The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?'
The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.'
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, 'Who drives you to the beach?'

POSTED JULY 03, 2008

DID YOU KNOW?

Fourth of July more auto accident results in death than any other day in America "DRIVE SAFE"

ONLY IN AMERICA

Only in America and ever "WONDER"

BATHROOM PAINTED FLOOR!!!

IMAGINE YOU ARE AT A PARTY ....
Tenth floor of a hi-rise building.....
AND THEN YOU HAVE TO VISIT THE BATHROOM...
You open the door...NOW, REMEMBER
THE FLOOR IS JUST A PAINTED FLOOR!
KINDA TAKES YOUR BREATH AWAY..... DOESN'T IT?

ELKS LONG ANTLERS

Why do Elk have long antlers... 'It's a guy thing, regardless of Species

BILL COSBY ON AMERICA

Dr. William Henry 'Bill' Cosby, Jr., Ed.D. on "AMERICA"

POSTED JULY 02, 2008

DID YOU KNOW?

Commit a sin twice and it will not seem a crime. - Jewish Saying

FOX NEWS

In response to a number of complaints that FOX News doesn't show enough Black and Hispanic people on the network. FOX has announced that they will now air America 's Most Wanted' "TWICE" a week.

CAR AC

How to check your cars "air conditioner"

MEN AND TOYS

Why men should not own action "fiqures".

QUESTION

OK PLEASE answer one question just " where"?

POSTED JULY 01, 2008

DID YOU KNOW?

He that can't endure the bad will not live to see the good. - Jewish Proverb

VOTE CHANGE

The LAST Inspirational poster any of us will ever need...

MOWING AND BEER

One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn.
The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, 'You should be hung!'
I took a drink from my can of Miller Lite, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened Ray Ban sunglasses and stared directly into the eyes of this nosy ass neighbor and then calmly replied,
'I am. That's why she cuts the grass.'

RETIRED

I couldn't have said it any better

I've often been asked, 'What do you do now that you're retired?' I say, 'Well, I don't have much of a chemical background but one of the things I enjoy the most is turning beer into urine!'

MOBLIE HOME

He lives in a garbage truck! You have to look at this house! Check out this "MOBLIE HOME"